Jewish Pregnancy and Motherhood Bulletin Board

Mothers of Faith

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:35:50 GMT

Mothers of Faith

November 10, 2009 by jewishmoms

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A year ago I saw an interview with a 47-year-old mother of 19 children named Sima Zalmanov. And she said one thing in that interview that I just cant get out of my mind.

The interviewer asked her: My wife is now in the 8^th month of her first pregnancy, and she is so uncomfortable, and she complains all the time. And you, Mrs. Zalmanov, have been pregnant pretty much non-stop for the past 27 years! Isnt it difficult?

Im sure Mrs. Zalmanov has answered this questions hundreds of times, and I presume it is a question that she has asked herself countless times as well, when her varicose veins ached, and when her overdraft edged further and further away from zero, and when the Zalmanov family pile of laundry loomed large above her head at 2 AM.

Without skipping a beat, Mrs. Zalmanov answered the reporter with the sincere and convincing declaration: G-d knows whats best for me.

And I just cant forget it.

G-d knows whats best for me.

Unbelievable.

Many years ago, I heard a lecture by prolific author and psychologist Dr. Miriam Adahan that I also havent been able to get out of my mind for all these years. She told us that for years and years she wanted nothing more than to have more children.

But her conversation with G-d, she recalled, went something like this

G-d, please, this year another baby!

Miriam, this year, another book!

G-d, please, this year another baby!

Miriam, this year, another book!

G-d knows whats best for me.

Unbelievable.

Every Friday night I stop by to see my friend and neighbor Hagit bat Leah, a mother of 5 small children who is presently fighting the battle of her life against a devastating case of cancer. Hagit has hit hard times before. Two years ago her family was homeless for 4 months. But Hagit is always, even at her darkest moments, a shining light of inspiration to everybody who is fortunate enough to know her.

Hagit has the strongest faith of anybody I have ever known. Simple faith (which all of us know is far from simple to acquire). The faith that a beloved, youngest daughter has in her own adoring father.

The purpose of my visits is to cheer up Hagit, but the truth is that Hagit always ends up cheering ME up.

This past Friday night Hagit told me that that day was her 38th birthday. What are you doing to celebrate your birthday? I asked her.

How am I celebrating? Hagit asked me with that defiant, teasing smile of hers on her lips.

I exist. Thats how Im celebrating, She answered.

G-d knows whats best for me.

Unbelievable.

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Mommy Peptalk: My Corner Store Heroes

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:34:24 GMT

This Weeks Mommy Peptalk: My Corner Store Heroes

November 15, 2009 by jewishmoms

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What my corner store owners and their high-maintenance customers taught me about being a Jewish mom.

Posted in Uncategorized | Edit | 3 Comments

Forum: Mommy Peptalks by Chana Jenny Weisberg

My Virus Enlightenment

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:31:45 GMT

My Virus Enlightenment

November 17, 2009 by jewishmoms

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A few days ago, that virus thats been going around got me too.

I hate being sick. I hate feeling so yucky. And I hate being less than 100% functioning and coping and doing. I guess the truth is that being sick is tough on my body and equally tough on my ego

But yesterday, I looked around my living room from my favorite new vantage point- flat on my back on the living room sofa- and I realized that my kids are probably actually enjoying this virus. This virus means that Im not cleaning the kitchen, or running off to that Rosh Hodesh party, or barking orders as Im rushing out to buy tights for my 4-year-old before the store closes. Im just lying on the sofa, watching my children as they bounce around me, appreciative for any little human interaction that can distract me from my yuckiness.

Hey, Moriah, want me to read you a book?

Hallel, bring me your English homework, why dont we go over it now?

Hadas, want to ask me questions for your family tree project?

Usually, I realize, the things my children ask me to do feel like annoyances that are pulling me away from whatever all-important task I am working onfilling the dishwasher, making a salad, putting boots on the 2-year-old so we can go to the market for some potatoes.

But for the past few days, things have switched. The annoyances have become the all-important tasks, and the all-important tasks suddenly feel like total annoyances. I really hope to feel better ASAP. But I also hope that when this virus leaves that the bright side- the enlightenment of this yuckiness- will remain.

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Mommy Peptalk: The World's Best Job

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:58:32 GMT

Forum: Mommy Peptalks by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Jewish Mom Overboard!

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:39:09 GMT

Jewish Mom Overboard!

October 25, 2009 by jewishmoms

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Its important to have a somewhat orderly home, serve yummy food, and live a healthy lifestyle, because these are all important ingredients in achieving every Jewish moms ultimate goal healthy, happy, passionately-Jewish children.

But have you ever found yourself going overboard with the cleaning, the cooking, the health-ing?

When this happens, your JewishMOM sirens should start roaring, and your personal Homeland Security should go on Orange Alert.

For example, the mom who wants to keep her home so hotel-room-sterilized-toilet-level clean that her kids are tense and stressed because the kids want a home where they can be kids without getting screamed at, and their mom wants a museum. The mother is headed for Better Homes and Gardens, but definitely not for healthy, happy, passionately-Jewish children.

For example, the mother who works herself to exhaustion preparing 4 different kinds of chicken, 7 cakes, and 25 variations of eggplant salad for Shabbat. By the time Shabbat comes in, the food is out of this world, but the mother sitting opposite her children at Friday night dinner is out of her mind- a JewishMOM monster. This mother is headed for Gourmet magazine, but definitely not for healthy, happy, passionately-Jewish children.

For example, the mother who keeps her son home from school when his 7th grade classmates celebrate their birthday parties lest he should ingest any sugar or white flour. This miserable teenager goes from door to door to panhandle his friends for a forbidden pretzel, an illegal cracker, or, if he is feeling especially daring, a felonous cookiedesperate for anything other than the millet and broccoli which is his mothers current craze. This mother might be headed for Vegan Mother of the Mother, but definitely not for healthy, happy, passionately-Jewish children.

In summary:

Its great to have an orderly home.

Its great to serve good food.

Its great to live a healthy lifestyle.

But when we pursue these goals to the point that our kids wish they could move in with the neighbors, then weve gotten way off-course and are about to plunge head-first overboard into the choppy and stormy waters.

Believe me, my family and I have been down there in that freezing water from time to time, and it aint fun for anybody.

JewishMOMbeware!

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Not What I Expected from a Shiva

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:37:18 GMT

Not What I Expected from a Shiva

October 27, 2009 by jewishmoms

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I had expected that attending the shiva this week for Shula Swerdlov, the 3-year-old girl who was run over and killed last week, would break me. That it would be so upsetting and devastating to enter the epicenter of this horrific tragedy that it would take me weeks to recover.

But, strangely enough, attending the shiva this past Sunday had the opposite effect. I left this shiva feeling strengthened, even hopeful.

I saw Hindel, Shulas mother, terribly shaken. But I also saw her surrounded by her relatives and extended family from around the globe who jumped on a plane the moment they heard that tragedy had struck. I saw her comforted by her neighbors and members of the extended Chabad community who poured in by the hundreds every day of the shiva to be there for her. I saw her with her dearest friend beside her, who, despite all of her own responsibilities as the mother of several small children, didnt leave Hindels side from morning until night this whole week.

And most meaningful for me was to see that Hindel was shaken, and clearly going through the darkest hour of her life, but that she was still Hindel. I saw the same determination, the same life-giving smile, the same faith that has pulled her through tough times in the past, and will, with G-ds help, pull her and her family through this nightmare as well.

When I think of why I am so proud to have chosen to live a Jewish life, I think of the good stuff. The Shabbat meals with steaming golden chicken soup, words of Torah, and G-ds breath filling my living room, or the excited, ancient buzz of the packed yeshiva study hall where my husband studies, or the religious children in my community growing up so pure and good and happy, free of the destructive TV/ Internet culture which is destroying so many of todays children and families.

But seeing this shiva, seeing this young family struggling yet coping with the support of their extended family and community, as well as with the wise guidance of their tradition and their personal bedrock of faith, made me proud to be living this life that provides so much light, even (or maybe especially?) at these darkest moments of existence.

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Why I Love my Mom by Anonymous

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:34:30 GMT

Why I Love My Mom by Anonymous

November 8, 2009 by jewishmoms

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Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said,

Im tired, and its getting late. I think Ill go to bed.

She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches

for the next days lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn

bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the

following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the

sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and

started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.

She then put some wet clothes in the dryer,

put a load of clothes into the wash, ironed a shirt and

secured a loose button.

She picked up the game pieces left on the

table and put the telephone book back into the drawer.

She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry.

She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom.

She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to

the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip,

and pulled a textbook out from hiding under the chair.

She signed a birthday card for a friend,

addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note

for the grocery store. She put both near her purse.

Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her

Night Solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and

flossed her teeth and filed her nails.

Dad called out, I thought you were going to bed.

Im on my way, she said.

She put some water into the dogs dish and

put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were

locked. She looked in on each of the kids and turned

out their bedside lamp, hung up a shirt, threw some

dirty socks in the hamper, and had a brief conversation

with the one up still doing homework.

In her own room, she set the alarm; laid

out clothing for the next day.

She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list.

She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.

About that time, Dad turned off the TV and

announced to no one in particular. Im going to bed.

And he did

without another thought.

Some thoughts from Chana Jenny Weisberg

This Email probably sounds a little too familiar to every Jewish mom, and makes you want to scream Lemme outta Here! This isnt what I bargained for!

But the truth is that your never-ending JewishMOM To-Do list is your ticket to achieving every Jews mission in life to be transformed from a taker into a giver.

We all start out as takers because that is what our bodies love to do take and take and take some more. More Twinkies, more pairs of shoes, more crossword puzzles, more shades of eyeshadow.

But what does your soul want? Your soul wants to giveTo give and give and give some more.

Your body kicks and screamsit just wants to pick up its feet and lean over for the remote.

But your soul knowsYour soul knows that every day spent caring for your family, even when its hard, and even when youre tired, and even when you would rather be doing just about anything else, is transforming you into your ultimate self.

Because your soul understands that the more you give, the greater you can become.

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Mommy Peptalk: For Moms of Small Children

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:32:43 GMT

Forum: Mommy Peptalks by Chana Jenny Weisberg

The Selfish Monster: An Amazing Story about Judging Others Favorably

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 09:31:01 GMT

The Selfish Monster: An Amazing Story about Judging Others Favorably

November 3, 2009 by jewishmoms

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I was so furious at that mother.

There I was, making all the phone calls to set up a meeting for the 5 mothers from Hadas class whose daughters would be celebrating their bat mitzvahs together this coming January. We needed to get moving to start coming up with a program, to start thinking about the refreshments, to get working on this

My idea was that we would meet right after a meeting the school had set up for us mothers with a midwife about preparing our daughters for puberty. And all the mothers in Hadas bat mitzvah group agreed until I called the one mother I didnt know on my list. Ill call her Mrs. Levy.

From the other side of the line I heard a dignified, formal voice, as though I had accidentally been put through to the CEO of a Hi-Tech company or something. It was the kind of voice that made me feel acutely embarrassed of my beat up New Balance running shoes, and my apron with the word Eema emblazoned across the chest.

Oh no, she answered, I dont think that will work for us. I want my husband to be able to attend the meeting as well.

At that moment, Mrs. Levy was downgraded from the last mother to call on my list to The Royal Pain.

But then Mrs. Levy softened. I suppose I could attend the meeting, and then I could tell my husband afterwards what we discussed, and get his opinion

But I still hadnt fully forgiven her.

And then the next day, having finally tracked down a babysitter, and having worked out all the logistics, I called the bat mitzvah mothers again right before I left the house to update them about the location of our meeting.

Mrs. Levy answered after a long time. In the end, she said a bit nervously, I dont think this is going to work out for me. I will have to leave immediately after the meeting with the midwife in order to attend a class in my neighborhood at 8:30 PM.

I responded in a calm, vague way, but by the time I clicked off the phone I was boiling! I had made all these calls, and this woman had agreed to this meeting, and now some stupid class was more important to this woman than the bat mitzvah celebration of her own daughter! This was disgusting, unforgivable, a complete and total lack of basic human decency!

The whole busride to the school I was trying to decompress. But it was nearly impossible. I would just have to tell this Mrs. Levy that she had agreed to this time for the meeting and she would just have to miss her precious class. Or, I would have to tell her that we would be having the meeting without her. Or (my personal preference) that she and her daughter would just have to find a new bat mitzvah group to join!

I tried to judge this woman favorably, but how was it possible to judge such a complete and total pain favorably! What a phenomenally inconsiderate human being.

So I did something that almost always works to cool myself down. I prayed for this mother. I prayed that she will have marital harmony (maybe she has a terrible marriage, and her husband doesnt trust her, and thats why she insisted her husband had to come to the meeting as well), and that she will have so much nachas from her children, and that she will be healthyand on and on. And it worked, somewhat At least it enabled me start relating to Mrs. Levy as a human being rather than as a selfish monster.

But I still felt like I was getting taken advantage of. Why did I always have to be the one who was working on myself and therefore, in all situations, to be the resident frum SUCKER!

I arrived at the school, and I looked around for an unfamiliar face, but I didnt see any mothers I didnt know. So I asked my daughters teacher, Where is the mother of Ayala Levy?

The teachers mouth fell open she looked like shed seen a ghost.

I repeated myself, Do you know who is the mother of Ayala Levy? I need to find her.

The teacher, who is never at a loss for words, was speechless for several whole seconds.

And then she stuttered, Ayala Levy doesnt have a mother. Ayalas mother is dead.

I was stunnedBut I spoke with a woman, Ayala is in my daughters bat mitzvah group. And I invited a woman named Mrs. Levy to meet with us

The teacher explained, Yes, that must have been Mr. Levys new wife. They got married last month.

This explained the fact that Mrs. Levy wanted her husband to be there. It also explained why she favored the class over our meetingprobably she didnt even really feel like she belonged at our mother meeting at all. In the end, she didnt even show up at the meeting with the midwife.

Sitting in that meeting, it brought tears to my eyes to think of what a painful situation it must be for all involved that this young girl doesnt have her own mother during this important period of transitionsspiritual, physical, emotional. What a painful and intensely awkward position, as well, for the new Mrs.Levy to find herself in.

It just goes to show you. By giving people the benefit of the doubt, you arent being a sucker. You are just recognizing that reality is so much more complicated than our human minds and hearts could ever comprehend.

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

moved

batsheva — Thur, 29 Oct 2009 22:36:28 GMT

i accidently stumbled into ur website and boy was i impressed. you are very talented and i watched some of ur movies which really 'moved' me. keep em coming!

Forum: Mini-Mom Videos by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Remembering Shula

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 10:36:49 GMT

Remembering Shula

October 22, 2009 by jewishmoms

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Last year, nearly every day at 1:20 PM I would wave to Hindel as she picked up her little girl, Shula, from nursery school. Shula was Hindels first daughter after three sons, named after her own mother who passed away when Hindel was a child. Hindels love for and joy over her precious little girl pulsed between them. They shined together.

I met Hindel for the first time at a Shabbat meal about a dozen years ago, and I liked her very, very much- immediately. Hindel was and is a powerhouse, pure positive energy, living proof that a person can be extremely cool and extremely religious at the same time (tell me, how do Chabadnikim DO that??)

And then there was the news report this past Tuesday morning. Every mothers worst nightmare printed in black and white: 3-Year-Old Daughter of Chabad Emissaries Killed in Freak Traffic Accident. From one moment to the next, Shula was gone, run over by a driver- make that a criminal- with a previous record of 31 traffic violations and 10 traffic accidents.

Hindel will never bask in the light of Shulas shy smile again, will never hold her soft, white hand in her own again, will never ever tuck her in with a bedtime story and Shema Yisrael again. This mothers dream has been replaced by an unfathomable nightmare, the daughter she loved so much replaced by a gaping void filled only with loss and pain.

How strange that the inhuman murder of the Chabad Shlichim Rivki and Gaby Holtzberg in Mumbai, India also took place this month exactly a year ago

Last night, watching the video Vladivostok Rebbetzin (see below) which I prepared last year in response to the Holtzberg murder provided me with the first glimmer of comfort since I heard this horrific news two days ago. It is a powerful reminder of the Jewish response to tragedy, like the one the Swerdlovs and so many community members as well as friends and family members all over the world are experiencing right now.

May this special, special family be blessed from now on with only happy events and good news!

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Some Reflections on Infertility

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 10:34:55 GMT

Some Reflections on Infertility

October 20, 2009 by jewishmoms

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Yesterday I ran into an old friend who has devoted a huge chunk of her time and emotional energy over the past few years to fertility treatments. As we were speaking about the physical and emotional toll of these treatments and infertility in general, as well as what she has learned from this killer of a nisayon (challenge), I had two thoughts that I wanted to share with you.

Thought #1:

Did you ever notice that the people faced with infertility are, in general, superior human beings? This specific woman I spoke with is an exceptionally gentle, good, shining, modest, G-d-focused, and personal-growth focused type of person. The kind of person who is genuinely happy when her neighbor gives birth to her ninth child, and knits her a pink and yellow baby blanket.

But the truth is that MOST of the people I know who struggle with or have struggled with infertility are exceptional in their goodness. Maybe this is because G-d only gives us what we can handle, and if you have received this huge of a challenge, it says something about the strong and amazing person that G-d thinks you are, and the even stronger and more amazing person G-d believes you can become?

2. Thought #2:

Our Matriarchs were infertile. And because they yearned and yearned and yearned for years and years and years to bear children, they became and also raised the greatest leaders and spiritual guides that the Jewish people has ever known.

Looking around my community today, if I had to call anybody a Woman of Valor, my gut instinct would be to choose my friend who spent five years as the single mother of 14 kids, or the Mohels dignified wife with 9, or Malka, the kind-hearted mother of a family of Karliner Chassidim, with 10.

And it is true. These women manage so much, and are very inspiring people, and are really incredibly impressive.

But if we are looking not only for a Woman of Valour, but for a true Modern Matriarch, the woman who has the greatest potential to become and also raise a child who will bring a great light to the Jewish people, the Torah suggests that my neighbor who spent eight years doing fertility treatments, and getting blessings from Rabbis, and crying her eyes out, and is now the mom of a single eleven-year-old son is the real modern day Sarah Imenu.

Some food for thought for you (and me)

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Musical Stairway to Heaven

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:28:45 GMT

Musical Stairway to Heaven

October 14, 2009 by jewishmoms

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Join the 3 million people who have already watched this incredible 90 second video:

Its true, its harder to keep kosher than to not keep kosher. Its harder to prepare a Shabbat meal than to veg out in front of the TV watching Seinfeld reruns. And its harder to read the Torah portion than to read Harry Potter.

So why do we do it? Why do we lead a Jewish life? Why do we insist on running up the stairs when the vast majority of the human race is taking the easy way out on the escalator?

Because this is the life that G-d wants us to be living. And also because, as Jews, we are blessed with the ability to hear the music playing underneath our feet as we climb up this ancient and holy staircase.

And this is our mission as Jewish moms: to raise our children so that they will also hear the subtle yet incomparable melody that emanates from shoe-level as we climb this Jewish Stairway to Heaven.

So, Jewish mom, what are you going to do today to make being Jewish a little more fun, a little more melodious, for your child?

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

No Time? No Problem!

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:20:39 GMT

How a Jewish mom's lack of time enables her to live up to her highest potential.

Forum: Mommy Peptalks by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Obama's Nobel Prize and the Jewish Mom

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:32:15 GMT

Obamas Nobel Prize and the Jewish Mom

October 11, 2009 by jewishmoms

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You love Obama? You hate Obama?

No matter if you are blazing blue or raring-to-go red, we can all agree that it was extremely strange to nominate the new US president for the Nobel Peace Prize after less than two weeks in office (the deadline for nominations was February 1st.)

And this strange decision based on, apparently, nothing more than Obamas sincere yet absolutely unfulfilled desire to bring peace to the world, has sparked a flurry of funny emails to my inbox. Featuring lines like:

My neighbor has always wanted to write a novel. After Barack Obamas Peace Prize, shes hopeful she might be up for the Nobel Prize for Literature!

Or, my personal favorite:

Ive been trying to balance my checkbook for years. Now Im thinking Ive got a good chance at winning the Nobel Prize for Economics!

(watch what Saturday Night Live has to say on this matter)

Should somebody win the Nobel Prize simply for the desire to do something?

How ridiculous can you get?

But after chuckling at and forwarding a few emails, I gave it some thought and I realized something

I realized that Heaven has at least one thing in the common with the Nobel Prize Committee. Because G-d also rewards us for the mere but sincere desire to do the right thing.

In fact, a Jewish mothers job, more than anything else, is to instill that ratson, that urgent desire to do good, in her children.

For years, my parenting teacher, Rabbanit Talia Helfer, drilled into our heads the following 1^st Law of Jewish Parenting:

Contrary to popular belief, your job as a Jewish mom is not to enforce rules- to demand that your son studies Torah every day of summer vacation. Or to pounce if your daughter forgets to say a blessing before biting into that peach. Or to badger your son until he rolls out of bed in order to go to synagogue on Shabbat morning.

Our primary job is, rather, to make sure that our children will love to do the mitzvoth, even if they arent yet necessarily doing the mitzvoth.

But what if your child isnt living up to the religious standards that you would expect? Every single 3-year-old in your entire neighborhood is reciting blessings over food without being reminded, and your 11-year-old just pops food into his mouth without even a shadow of mumble?

What should you do? Rabbanit Talia taught us: Turn the other way. BELIEVE IN YOUR CHILD! And do everything within your power to make that mitzvah irresistibly sweet for him. Give a chocolate chip for every blessing your son says out loud. Stick a star on the chart leading to a new soccer ball. Act out a dramatic story about the angel created with every single blessing uttered from a Jews mouth.

If we do our job correctly, our children will ultimately run to do the mitzvoth just like we used to dash down the street when the Good Humor Truck rang its bell promising something cold and sweet and absolutely irresistible.

And G-d willing, this burning desire to do good will energize our children for the rest of their livesuntil they are chasing after mitzvoth hand in hand with their own children and grandchildren.

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg