Jewish Pregnancy and Motherhood Bulletin Board

moved

batsheva — Thur, 29 Oct 2009 22:36:28 GMT

i accidently stumbled into ur website and boy was i impressed. you are very talented and i watched some of ur movies which really 'moved' me. keep em coming!

Forum: Mini-Mom Videos by Chana Jenny Weisberg

JewishMOM Idolatry- Beware!

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 10:38:28 GMT

JewishMOM IdolatryBEWARE!

October 25, 2009 by jewishmoms

Its important to have an orderly home because this is the environment that is most conducive to raising healthy, happy, passionately-Jewish children.

Its important to prepare good food, because this is the best fuel for healthy, happy, passionately-Jewish children.

Its important for our families to live a healthy lifestyle because this is the way of life that is most conducive to raising healthy, happy, passionately-Jewish children.

But have you ever found yourself mixing up your JewishMOM means and your ends? When this happens, your JewishMOM sirens should start roaring, and your personal Homeland Security should go on Orange Alert.

For example, the mom who wants to keep her home so hotel-room-sterilized-toilet-level clean that her kids are tense and stressed because the kids want a home where they can be kids without getting screamed at, and their mom wants a museum. The mother is headed for Better Homes and Gardens, but definitely not for healthy, happy, passionately-Jewish children.

For example, the mother who works herself to exhaustion preparing 4 different kinds of chicken, 7 cakes, and 25 variations of eggplant salad for Shabbat. By the time Shabbat comes in, the food is out of this world, but the mother sitting opposite her children at Friday night dinner is out of her mind- a JewishMOM monster. This mother is headed for Gourmet magazine, but definitely not for healthy, happy, passionately-Jewish children.

For example, the mother who keeps her son home from school when his 7th grade classmates celebrate their birthday parties lest he should ingest any sugar or white flour. This miserable teenager goes from door to door to panhandle his friends for a forbidden pretzel, an illegal cracker, or, if he is feeling especially daring, a felonous cookiedesperate for anything other than the millet and broccoli which is his mothers current craze. This controlling, stressed-out mother might be headed for Vegan Mother of the Mother, but definitely not for healthy, happy, passionately-Jewish children.

In summary:

Its great to have an orderly home.

Its great to serve good food.

Its great to live a healthy lifestyle.

But when we pursue these goals to the point that our kids wish they could move in with the neighbors, then weve gotten way off the mark.

Then weve wandered away from the road towards G-ds will and headed down the treacherous path leading towards the altars JewishMOM idolatry. Believe me, my family and I have been down there at the bottom of that path, and it aint pretty. JewishMOMbeware!

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Remembering Shula

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 10:36:49 GMT

Remembering Shula

October 22, 2009 by jewishmoms

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Last year, nearly every day at 1:20 PM I would wave to Hindel as she picked up her little girl, Shula, from nursery school. Shula was Hindels first daughter after three sons, named after her own mother who passed away when Hindel was a child. Hindels love for and joy over her precious little girl pulsed between them. They shined together.

I met Hindel for the first time at a Shabbat meal about a dozen years ago, and I liked her very, very much- immediately. Hindel was and is a powerhouse, pure positive energy, living proof that a person can be extremely cool and extremely religious at the same time (tell me, how do Chabadnikim DO that??)

And then there was the news report this past Tuesday morning. Every mothers worst nightmare printed in black and white: 3-Year-Old Daughter of Chabad Emissaries Killed in Freak Traffic Accident. From one moment to the next, Shula was gone, run over by a driver- make that a criminal- with a previous record of 31 traffic violations and 10 traffic accidents.

Hindel will never bask in the light of Shulas shy smile again, will never hold her soft, white hand in her own again, will never ever tuck her in with a bedtime story and Shema Yisrael again. This mothers dream has been replaced by an unfathomable nightmare, the daughter she loved so much replaced by a gaping void filled only with loss and pain.

How strange that the inhuman murder of the Chabad Shlichim Rivki and Gaby Holtzberg in Mumbai, India also took place this month exactly a year ago

Last night, watching the video Vladivostok Rebbetzin (see below) which I prepared last year in response to the Holtzberg murder provided me with the first glimmer of comfort since I heard this horrific news two days ago. It is a powerful reminder of the Jewish response to tragedy, like the one the Swerdlovs and so many community members as well as friends and family members all over the world are experiencing right now.

May this special, special family be blessed from now on with only happy events and good news!

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Some Reflections on Infertility

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 10:34:55 GMT

Some Reflections on Infertility

October 20, 2009 by jewishmoms

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Yesterday I ran into an old friend who has devoted a huge chunk of her time and emotional energy over the past few years to fertility treatments. As we were speaking about the physical and emotional toll of these treatments and infertility in general, as well as what she has learned from this killer of a nisayon (challenge), I had two thoughts that I wanted to share with you.

Thought #1:

Did you ever notice that the people faced with infertility are, in general, superior human beings? This specific woman I spoke with is an exceptionally gentle, good, shining, modest, G-d-focused, and personal-growth focused type of person. The kind of person who is genuinely happy when her neighbor gives birth to her ninth child, and knits her a pink and yellow baby blanket.

But the truth is that MOST of the people I know who struggle with or have struggled with infertility are exceptional in their goodness. Maybe this is because G-d only gives us what we can handle, and if you have received this huge of a challenge, it says something about the strong and amazing person that G-d thinks you are, and the even stronger and more amazing person G-d believes you can become?

2. Thought #2:

Our Matriarchs were infertile. And because they yearned and yearned and yearned for years and years and years to bear children, they became and also raised the greatest leaders and spiritual guides that the Jewish people has ever known.

Looking around my community today, if I had to call anybody a Woman of Valor, my gut instinct would be to choose my friend who spent five years as the single mother of 14 kids, or the Mohels dignified wife with 9, or Malka, the kind-hearted mother of a family of Karliner Chassidim, with 10.

And it is true. These women manage so much, and are very inspiring people, and are really incredibly impressive.

But if we are looking not only for a Woman of Valour, but for a true Modern Matriarch, the woman who has the greatest potential to become and also raise a child who will bring a great light to the Jewish people, the Torah suggests that my neighbor who spent eight years doing fertility treatments, and getting blessings from Rabbis, and crying her eyes out, and is now the mom of a single eleven-year-old son is the real modern day Sarah Imenu.

Some food for thought for you (and me)

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Musical Stairway to Heaven

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:28:45 GMT

Musical Stairway to Heaven

October 14, 2009 by jewishmoms

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Join the 3 million people who have already watched this incredible 90 second video:

Its true, its harder to keep kosher than to not keep kosher. Its harder to prepare a Shabbat meal than to veg out in front of the TV watching Seinfeld reruns. And its harder to read the Torah portion than to read Harry Potter.

So why do we do it? Why do we lead a Jewish life? Why do we insist on running up the stairs when the vast majority of the human race is taking the easy way out on the escalator?

Because this is the life that G-d wants us to be living. And also because, as Jews, we are blessed with the ability to hear the music playing underneath our feet as we climb up this ancient and holy staircase.

And this is our mission as Jewish moms: to raise our children so that they will also hear the subtle yet incomparable melody that emanates from shoe-level as we climb this Jewish Stairway to Heaven.

So, Jewish mom, what are you going to do today to make being Jewish a little more fun, a little more melodious, for your child?

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

No Time? No Problem!

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:20:39 GMT

How a Jewish mom's lack of time enables her to live up to her highest potential.

Forum: Mommy Peptalks by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Obama's Nobel Prize and the Jewish Mom

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:32:15 GMT

Obamas Nobel Prize and the Jewish Mom

October 11, 2009 by jewishmoms

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You love Obama? You hate Obama?

No matter if you are blazing blue or raring-to-go red, we can all agree that it was extremely strange to nominate the new US president for the Nobel Peace Prize after less than two weeks in office (the deadline for nominations was February 1st.)

And this strange decision based on, apparently, nothing more than Obamas sincere yet absolutely unfulfilled desire to bring peace to the world, has sparked a flurry of funny emails to my inbox. Featuring lines like:

My neighbor has always wanted to write a novel. After Barack Obamas Peace Prize, shes hopeful she might be up for the Nobel Prize for Literature!

Or, my personal favorite:

Ive been trying to balance my checkbook for years. Now Im thinking Ive got a good chance at winning the Nobel Prize for Economics!

(watch what Saturday Night Live has to say on this matter)

Should somebody win the Nobel Prize simply for the desire to do something?

How ridiculous can you get?

But after chuckling at and forwarding a few emails, I gave it some thought and I realized something

I realized that Heaven has at least one thing in the common with the Nobel Prize Committee. Because G-d also rewards us for the mere but sincere desire to do the right thing.

In fact, a Jewish mothers job, more than anything else, is to instill that ratson, that urgent desire to do good, in her children.

For years, my parenting teacher, Rabbanit Talia Helfer, drilled into our heads the following 1^st Law of Jewish Parenting:

Contrary to popular belief, your job as a Jewish mom is not to enforce rules- to demand that your son studies Torah every day of summer vacation. Or to pounce if your daughter forgets to say a blessing before biting into that peach. Or to badger your son until he rolls out of bed in order to go to synagogue on Shabbat morning.

Our primary job is, rather, to make sure that our children will love to do the mitzvoth, even if they arent yet necessarily doing the mitzvoth.

But what if your child isnt living up to the religious standards that you would expect? Every single 3-year-old in your entire neighborhood is reciting blessings over food without being reminded, and your 11-year-old just pops food into his mouth without even a shadow of mumble?

What should you do? Rabbanit Talia taught us: Turn the other way. BELIEVE IN YOUR CHILD! And do everything within your power to make that mitzvah irresistibly sweet for him. Give a chocolate chip for every blessing your son says out loud. Stick a star on the chart leading to a new soccer ball. Act out a dramatic story about the angel created with every single blessing uttered from a Jews mouth.

If we do our job correctly, our children will ultimately run to do the mitzvoth just like we used to dash down the street when the Good Humor Truck rang its bell promising something cold and sweet and absolutely irresistible.

And G-d willing, this burning desire to do good will energize our children for the rest of their livesuntil they are chasing after mitzvoth hand in hand with their own children and grandchildren.

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

10 Easy Ways for Every Mom to Feel More Calm and More Happy

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:29:35 GMT

10 Easy Ways for Every Mom to Feel More Calm and Happy

October 13, 2009 by jewishmoms

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Depressing thoughts and worries are like ticks. Like our least-favorite woods-dwellers, it is no easy feat to get these destructive thoughts unstuck from your brain. And, like ticks, these destructive thoughts suck out your blood and joy of life until they are finally torn off.

The best guide I know of to freeing ourselves from worry and depression is also my favorite book of all time: Battle Plans: How to Fight the Evil Inclination (Shaar) by Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller and Sara Yoheved Rigler. Battle Plans provides practical advice on freeing ourselves from the thoughts that bring us down.

In cases of worry and a depressed mood, Battle Plans suggests the following strategies:

Everything I Need I Have: Focus on the fact that everything you need, G-d has given you. This is very challenging to feel at times when you are experiencing a difficulty in your life, but it can really help to count your blessings and to focus on what you DO have (i.e. a husband, children, a home, health, a supportive community and on and on) rather than focusing on the upsetting current issue which is bringing you down. The next step, which is more challenging, is to try to locate the blessing, the Divine gift, hidden within the difficulty itself This is definitely tough, but if you manage to feel gratitude to G-d for ALL that you have (the good stuff and the hard stuff as well) then you are well on the way to a life of joy.
Do Kindness: When you are feeling down, few things make you feel better than putting anothers needs above your own. As a mother, dont forget that performing acts of kindness for your relatives and family members should be your first priority. Run an errand for your husband, give a call to check up on your sick mother, read a story to your bored child. After that, performing kindness in your community can work wonders for the depressed soul.
Undertake a Heroic Kindness: Is there a kindness that you think you cannot possibly manage right now for a dozen different reasons? Do it anyway. Accompany a community member to her chemo treatment, agree to invite your critical Mother in Law for Shabbat for the first time in a decade, organize a fundraising dinner for a worthy cause. The evil inclination will flee for its life.
Notice Very Deeply: Everything is from G-d. Where can you sense G-ds kindness and guiding hand within this difficult situation you find yourself in?
Push the Kingship Button: Once you have detected G-ds hand within this difficulty, you are ready to stop angrily rejecting it, and to, rather, accept it as G-ds will. After you have accepted it, you can also start coping with the issue more effectively and rationally. What practical steps can you take to cope with and overcome the difficulty at hand?
Respond with Torah: When you feel depressing and worrying thoughts invading your psyche, try picking up a Torah book and reading a few paragraphs or pages. It doesnt matter what form of Torah literature you read- the Torah portion, the biography of a Tsaddik, (or, my personal recommendation) Battle Plans no matter what you read, the light of Torah will cause the evil inclination to run away, just like a floodlight in your backyard causes a burglar to run back to his dark hideout.
The 3 As-

1. ACCEPT what is happening as G-ds will

2. APPRECIATE G-ds kindness hidden within the hardship

3. ADJUST your time frame. Troubles are fleeting. Health problems get cured, difficult children grow out of challenging phases, fertility treatments work, and money goes away and then it comes back again. Why worry about a problem that you most likely wont even remember existed 5 years from now?

8. Surrender Control to G-d: When things dont work out the way you want, and you feel anger and blame flaring up, try out the following visualization: the evil inclination is Rumpelstiltskin, with his red nose, striped hat with that annoying little bell on the end, and broken scepter, and he is hopping up and down and screaming: Things have to be my way!! Things have to be my way!! Then imagine off to the side a wise old rabbi nodding and quietly stating: The way things are, is the way G-d wants them to be Then visualize taking a sledgehammer and crushing Rumpelstiltskin in all his glory and fury. Then repeat the words of the wise old rabbi, The way things are, is the way G-d wants them to beG-d is my king!

9.Direct Your Mind Away from Destructive Thoughts: Imagine your 11-month-old has crawled into a busy street. What would you do? You would pull her back to the sidewalk, and fasten her into her stroller so she wouldnt wander away again. Anger, self-blame, or passive inaction serve no purpose here. And the wandering mind that is drawn obsessively to destructive thoughts that make you depressed, angry, or worried, is exactly like that baby who wandered into the street. Again, anger, self-blame, or inaction arent going to do any good here. What should you do? Fasten your wayward thoughts into their stroller or an unrelated permitted thought: a vacation you are planning, your guest list for Friday night dinner, a project at work. Pat yourself on the back every time you effectively drag your wandering thoughts back into their permitted stroller.

10. Prayer: And finally, most importantly, prayer works wonders. You should pray every day that G-d will help you to overcome the depressing and worrying thoughts that cause you so much distress. Your prayer should include: 1) Your earnest desire to overcome your evil inclination 2) Stating your knowledge that you cannot succeed in this without G-ds assistance 3) Your request from G-d to help you succeed.

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Transforming Your Home into the Garden of Eden

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:23:06 GMT

Forum: Mommy Peptalks by Chana Jenny Weisberg

A little advice that helped my friend

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 19:02:11 GMT

A little advice that helped my friend

October 6, 2009 by jewishmoms

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Gila is one of the people I admire most in the whole world. She is a person who, for as long as I have known her, has glowed with royalty tinged with a deep serenity, spirituality, and quiet joy. Every time I see her I dream that my daughters will, one day, grow up to be just like her.

But yesterday in our Succah, Gila looked a bit extinguished. Gila hasnt had the easiest time of things in her life. She dated hundreds of people over the course of a decade before she found her husband. And then, even after she was married, it took her four years to get pregnant. Thank G-d, now she has two children, but when her youngest turned three this year she started fertility treatments again. The blood tests, the ultrasounds, the stress in her marriage.

And motherhood has been so easy. Her two adorable boys fight a lot, she told me, and even after years as a devoted (and Im certain incredible) nursery school teacher, she finds that she doesnt really have the tools to cope with so many parenting issues that arise.

What advice can you give me? she asked me, looking broken for the first time since Ive known her.

I am usually the one who is asking her for advice, so it was a little disorienting to suddenly have the tables turned. But after a little thought, I gave her two pieces of advice that I wanted to share with you too.

One thing I told her is the importance of attending a weekly Torah-based parenting class. The parenting class I attended for three years when my older kids were small lights up every interaction with my children and every day of my parenting life to this day. You dont have time? Make the time! Its the best investment you will ever make- for you and your family.

And secondly, I told her something I learned from Rabbi Pliskins new book Life is Now. That even if It is a great mitzvah to be joyful always, in reality nobody feels joyful all the time.

The best we can do is to focus on joyful moments in our lives.

I told Gila, Its 3 PM in the afternoon, and your kids are fighting again. Focus for just a moment on how much you prayed for these children and how much nachas and joy you get from them. Its 4 PM, and youre bored in the playground, and you look up at the sky and feel joy that the sky is so blue and the air smells so green and invigorating. Its 5 PM, and you site a pencil-thin lizard scurrying across the wall of your apartment building. You point it out to your boys and experience the joy and excitement of sharing this curious animal with them.

Rabbi Pliskin suggests writing up 5 of these experiences in a daily joy list. Before long, he promises, you will not only be focusing on moments of joy, you will be creating moments of joy.

Gila called today, and said she felt like the advice was helping. I hope it will help you too

Moadim LSimcha!

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Seeing Gilad

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 18:59:44 GMT

Seeing Gilad

October 4, 2009 by jewishmoms

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Did one of your children ever come home late? From school? From a friends house? From baseball practice? You decide that this time you are definitely not going to freak outyou will stay calm for another half an hourand then for another half an hour.

But by the time the clock hits your deadline, you panic, imagining the worst. And right around then, without fail, your child strolls in the door and says Hey mom, is there anything to eat? Im starving!

But imagine another mother whose son is late. An hour late, two hours late, a year late, two years, three years late.. How could a mother like that maintain her sanity as well as her faith that one day her son would finally stroll in through her front door again?

I am sure I speak for all Jewish mothers when I say that the thought of what Gilad, Aviva, and Noam Shalit (as well as siblings Yoel and Hadas Shalit) have been going through breaks my heart

So I felt tremendous relief and joy to witness to a mini-resurrection of the dead this week as I watched her son, Gilad, appearing healthy and good-natured and shy-smiled as ever in this video below

The ongoing struggle to release Gilad Shalit has reminded me of something so important- it has reminded me of the inconceivably precious nature of every single child, every single Jew.

But another thing too. Who can watch this and not feel that this Gilad ben Aviva is a special human being- blessed with a special gentleness, a special goodness, a special shine about him? A special soul chosen by G-d to bring Jews of all flavors and affiliations together in unity around his release?

Enough already!

Gilad, we miss you, and want you home!!

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

9 Tips for Achieving Joy (including JewishMOM book of the month Life is Now)

Chana Jenny Weisberf — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 12:42:48 GMT

9 Tips to Achieving Joy

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Imagine if you lived a hundred and fifty years ago in a wooden cottage surrounded by frozen mud in Northern GaliciaChances are you and your children go to bed hungry every night. Chances are you have lost a child or children in infancy or childbirth. Chances are you wont live past the age of 50.

Life is grim.

Compare that with your life today. Chances are that you struggle with overeating rather than hunger. Chances are all of your children are generally healthy and have never been sick with anything so serious that a course of antibiotics couldnt clear it right up. Chances are you will live to dance at the weddings of your grandchildren- please G-d!

In other words, you and I are living in an unprecedented modern paradise!

So why is it that people are more miserable today than weve ever been before?

Rabbi Zelig Pliskin identifies the common modern causes of misery as well as practical steps for all of us to finally access this elusive thing called HAPPINESS in his inspiring and very very wise newly-released book (as well as JewishMOM.com book of the month) Life is Now: Creating Moments of Joy, Courage, Kindness, and Serenity (Artscroll).

In honor of the upcoming festival of Succot, the happiest holiday of the Jewish calendar, here is a selection from Life is Now: Rabbi Pliskins amazing 9 tip checklist to ensure that even the most miserable mom among us can feel joyous this Succot.

Your homework: Print this page and tape it to your fridge so you can read these affirmations three times a day from today until Simchat Torah.

9 Tips to Achieving Joy by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

1. I think appreciatively and gratefully. What five things am I grateful for now?

2. I speak and act joyfully and kindly. (When you speak and act joyfully and kindly, your brain produces the biochemicals that create joyful feelings.)

3. I assume there is a benefit. Whats good about this? (Develop the skill of reframing. Finding positive ways of viewing events, situations, and circumstances).

4. I strive for meaningful goals. Whats my goal for now? (Being clear about your priorities is the first step to accomplishing and achieving goals. Take a step forward.)

5. I see myself being the way I wish to be. How do I want to be? (As you picture yourself speaking and acting in ways consistent with your highest and wisest self, you create your ideal self).

6. I focus on solutions. What outcome am I looking for? (If a problem arises, first clarify the problem. Then ask, What can I do now to solve it?)

7. I let challenges develop my character. This too will develop my character. (Look at difficulties as Divinely-sent opportunities to upgrade who you are. What quality can you develop now with a challenge that you faced or are facing now?)

8. I consistently access positive states. My awesome brain stores my best states. What state do I want for right now? (When you give names to your favorite and best moments, you will find them easier to access. Just tell your brain to access the specific state you want to experience now.)

9. I smile and wave at mirrors. They always smile and wave back at me. (Research has shown that smiling to yourself in a mirror creates positive chemicals in your body. If you have a mirror handy, test your mirror to see if it will smile and wave to you when you smile and wave to it. This works even if you smile without a mirror.

Read these principles or recite them from memory a number of times a day. Reading them joyfully will create a few moments of joy whenever you wish. The more frequently and enthusiastically you review these ideas, the greater the imprint on your brain. Ultimately, that will mean many more moments of happiness and joy.

(excerpted from the newly-released Life is Now: Creating Moments of Joy, Courage, Kindness, and Serenity by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, Artscroll)

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

What I Was Thinking about this Rosh Hashana

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 09:32:20 GMT

What I Was Thinking about on Rosh Hashana

This is what Rebbe Nachman teaches us about the way the world works:

Step 1: You yearn for something (for a decent job, for a bigger home, for a healthy baby, for a husband who appreciates you, for children who get along)

Step 2: You dont get what you want

Step 3: You yearn and yearn even more for what you want

Step 4: You still dont get what you want

Step 5: You yearn and yearn and yearn even more

Step 6: As a result of all this yearning, you change. You are transformed into a vessel to contain G-ds light and blessing

Step 7: You get the job you wanted at your kids school, you move into the 3-bedroom of your dreams, you give birth to twins (a boy and a girl!), your formerly mentally-impaired husband finally realizes that he married G-ds gift to wifedom, and your children start spending their afternoons sharing conspiratorial whispers in their new secret clubhouse behind the sofa rather than chasing after each other with forks and a murderous glimmer in their little eyes.

This was also the story of our infertile Matriarchs, the first of whom, Sarah Imenu, we read about on Rosh Hashana. Their life story sounded something like this:

Step 1: G-d, please give me a baby

Step 2: Not now

A few years pass

Step 3: But G-d, I really, really want a baby!

Step 4: No, not now

Many more years pass by

Step 5: G-d, please please please, I really really really want a baby NOW!

Step 6: As a result of all this yearning, the women named Sarah, Rivkah, and Rachel were transformed into our Imahot, our Matriarchs, and some of the greatest spiritual giants who have ever walked the face of the Earth. This yearning transformed their souls into mighty vessels to contain the unprecedented light that G-d was about to send down to their wombs.

Step 7: They became the worlds first Jewish moms.

This Torah from Rebbe Nachman really got me thinking all of Rosh Hashana. It reminded how I also prayed for each of my children before I became pregnant with them, and when I was pregnant with them. How I yearned for them!

But maybe not enough?

Because when Im going through the humdrum, everyday details and routine of my mothering life, I find it difficult to experience, to perceive the light that my children bring to my life.

So on Rosh Hashana, I prayed that G-d should transform me into a proper vessel to contain the light that He has sent me- my 5 precious children. I prayed and prayed that I should feel the light my children bring to my life, as our Matriarchs did, and that I will be able to contain this light and channel it into more joy, more love, more patience, more giving, more faith as I raise these 5 precious and incomparable gifts, products of infinite Divine light and mercy.

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Mommy Peptalk: The Small Stuff

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 09:28:45 GMT

Forum: Mommy Peptalks by Chana Jenny Weisberg

Moms on Trial

Chana Jenny Weisberg — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 07:56:53 GMT

Moms on Trial by Chana Jenny Weisberg

I was waiting in line to get on the bus to the wedding when people started yelling. When I craned my neck to see what had happened, I saw a young mom trying without success to push her baby carriage down the narrow aisle of the bus.

What are you doing?! the woman behind her was yelling.

My babys sleeping, hes only a month old. I didnt want to wake him up she pleaded. The mom had an exceptionally gentle and lovely face, like a character from a Jane Austen novel.

Do you never think of anybody but yourself?! What were you thinking! Before long, the driver got into the fray as well. In the end the mother retreated off the bus with her baby carriage in tow, defeated and trembling.

Afterwards, as I folded up the mothers baby carriage for her and put it under the bus, I told her They are blaming you for being a devoted mother. Dont pay any attention to them. You are amazing.***

The young mom took her seat on the bus with her baby in her arms and seemed to recover from what had happened. But I couldnt. I looked out the window and cried and cried, for that poor mom, having to suffer through this attack so soon after her birth. And as the minutes passed, and I kept on crying, I realized that I was no longer just crying for that mom. I was crying for all of the devoted and hardworking moms, who are so in need of more sympathy, support, and encouragement than we actually receive.

Here are a few ideas about how we moms can, at the very least, be a bit kinder to one another:

The 90% Clean House- A few weeks ago I went to visit a friend, and I noticed that the room where our children were playing was in disarray- toys scattered, beds unmade, wall hangings off-kilter. This was unusual, since on a cleanliness scale of 1 to 10, if my house would get a 7 on a good day, my friends house would get a 9 on a bad day. Anticipating my question, my wise friend told me that she had realized a few months before what a kindness it is to leave her house a little bit messy when another mother comes over.

I think this is such a sensitive and brilliant way to make another mother, especially one like me who struggles in the cleanliness and order department, to feel a bit better about herself. Since, as the Ben Ish Chai teaches us, when one woman walks into another womans house, she ALWAYS starts comparing.

Did you know my husband does all the housework?- In a similar spirit, my teacher HaRabbanit Yemima Mizrachi defines a bad friend as a person who 1. When you complain about your husband, she agrees with you, 2. She tells you how amazing, wonderful, and perfect HER husband is.

If you are fortunate enough, thank G-d, to have a wonderful husband- the type of guy who buys you lots of expensive presents, is amazing with the kids, has a steady and respectable job, doesnt let you do any housework lest you break a nail while vacuuming, and in general is G-ds gift to humankind, then I would highly recommend that you keep that information very much to yourself. You usually have no idea what challenges other women are really facing in their marriages, and what kind of blow it could be to them to hear about your new pearl necklace or your husbands recent promotion or even the way your husband insists on washing the floor all by himself before Shabbat.

Ditto regarding your helpful, polite, adorable, and phenomenally brilliant children.

Perfection is for Diamonds, not People- This year a friend with two teensy children (and another one on the way, bshaah tova!) stopped by with a special home-baked mishloach manot gift package in honor of Purim- the coffee cake smelled amazing and was still hot from the oven. I was pleasantly as well as seriously surprised to get the package sinceit was June.

Once I recovered from my surprise, I was so impressed and touched by my friends thoughtfulness as well as by her admirable refusal to bow down to the idol of perfectionism.

If your children are healthy, happy, good, well-fed, and loved then you are succeeding at the most difficult and most important job a person could have raising the future members of the Jewish people.

So, with that ultimate goal in mind, who could care less if the cake is store-bought or the floors dirty or the buttons missing. Forget about it!

Because many times, the most important person who needs to start being kinder to you, is you.

***The truth is that I think the people yelling at her were right, there was no room to bring a carriage onto the bus. But their yelling and anger were really excessive and unnecessary.

Forum: Articles by Chana Jenny Weisberg